Last Table At Binion's

Since I now live in So Cal, I usually play live at the Commerce Casino or at the Bike, depending on my mood. If I’m going to be playing late at night, I usually go to the Commerce, where drunken maniacs make it an interesting experience. The thing I love most about CC is the Boba drinks they sell (open until 2AM also); I am addicted to Taro Milk Teas and can’t recommend them enough. One night, I came rolling in after visiting my now ex-girlfriend in Orange County (hi Natasha!) and just missed the boba cutoff. Since I was already there, I decided to jump into game of $2/4 LHE and wait for the stand to reopen. I’ve never played with a more motley assortment of characters in my life than that table. There were only 2 tables going when I sat down, and the contrast between them was hilarious. Our table was rowdy, wild and full of lousy players just there for a good time or trying to work off a tequila buzz. The other table was seriously quiet, only talking when there was a quarrel going on (and there were several). I was having some serious ups and downs due to the wild nature of my table and had to visit the ATM for a reload (I began to question my hobby when I looked at my watch and saw it was 4:30AM and then read the “Are You A Problem Gambler?” sign posted about the cash machine that talked about setting limits). I went on a nice run and recouped my initial buy-in and continued to enjoy the banter and personalities at my table, while the other table was beginning to resemble a funeral procession. At one point, the guy sitting next to me looked over at the somber proceedings and commented, “That looks like the Last Table At Binion’s”, upon which our table burst out laughing; the other table gave us dirty looks, as they somehow knew we were laughing at them.

Eventually, their table broke up and several of their players ended up at ours. This one particularly bitter woman began to berate everybody for their bad play and the dealers for their lousy skills and talked about how she’d been playing for 20+ years and that Commerce was the worst casino in LA. I asked her why the hell she was playing there if it was so bad and moreover, why was she still playing $1/2 if she was such an “expert player”? So, of course, I became her favorite target at the table. This prompted me and the guy to my right to incessantly abuse her every time she lost a hand, and eventually, the whole table was ganging up on her. After even more unpleasantries between the two of is, I got up to use the bathroom. Unlike Dr. Pauly, there were no famous poker pros urinating next to me, unless you count the old codger wearing a Gardena Club hat. When I came back, the evil bitch was in a major argument with the floorwoman (person?) and this culminated in her forcible removal from the casino. After she returned, I asked her what happened; it turned out that she’d gotten in a huge abusive argument with the floorperson (woman?) two weeks before and had been banned from the casino. When she came on duty at 7AM, the floor told her to get the hell out of the casino and that’s when the argument started. The whole table cheered the floor, and it made it a much more pleasant experience.
For some reason (gambling addiction), I stayed all morning, waiting for the boba stand to open. The last two hours of play, in which I consumed three Taro Milk Teas and a Lychee Slush (yum!), saw me hovering around a $10 loss for the session. Around noon, I was the last person standing from the earlier group at my table, so nobody realized how long I’d been there (over ten hours). I hit back to back boats and now had over $100 in profit. When the blinds came around, I got up; this old guy looks up at me and says, “Oh, one of those hit and run artists, huh”. I just said, “Yep!”, cashed out and drove home in a state of mind that can only be described as somewhere between coked up Henry Hill in “Goodfellas” and Tony Montana when he shoots the hitman toward the end of “Scarface”. Boba Teas are the only way to fly!

Who Am I? Why Am I Here?

I promised autobiographical material, so I figured I’d try to keep my promise. Here are my basics (this is going to sound like a personal ad; nothing makes me want to stay single forever like reading the LA area Yahoo Personals):

I’m 36 years old, a dude, born and raised in Santa Clarita, CA. Growing up, I was a typical underachiever, focused on geek stuff like videogames and AD&D instead of school. Consequently, I did well on my college boards but had a 2.0 GPA in high school. To punish myself, I joined the Army. I lived in Germany, had buku adventures, drank, caroused, got laid for the first time, and generally wasted mass quantities of brain cells. I came back to So Cal, went to Cal State Northridge, moved in with my girlfriend, fucked off school, went crazy, broke up with my fiancée, dated one of her friends (we didn’t meet until after we broke up; I’m no playa), and then got a job offer in Chicago. I took my girlfriend, fell in love with Chicago (she didn’t), got married, came back to California (another big mistake), and ended up in San Jose. I lasted up there until I got laid off and then my wife and I moved down to Pismo Beach. I went to work in the wine industry, which was great for a social drinker/borderline alky like me. It wasn’t great for my wife, who drove me insane, so we split up; I moved down to Santa Ynez and basically lived the movie Sideways long before it came out (wild trivia: the building I lived in was used as the HQ for the crew on that movie; I moved out during the filming and missed my chance at film stardom playing an extra; they also filmed the scenes at “Frass Canyon” at the winery where I worked – Fess Parker).

While in Santa Ynez, I lived next to and started playing poker at the Chumash Casino; I made it to the final table at my first limit Hold ‘Em tournament (although they had an annoying format where the final table was NL and was real money; I was awful at NL so some old sharpie sucked me out and took all my winnings). I was hooked. Since then, I’ve played a ton of live and online games and now play $3-6 limit primarily. I’ve done pretty well in tourneys, but between school, work and other annoying things (like life), I don’t get to play that often. Lately, I’ve been playing a lot of Stud 8b and PLO and even Razz, so I hope to one day win the WSOP H.O.R.S.E. event (if they ever bring it back). Poker appeals to my masochistic nature, so I am hooked for life. Okay, that’s enough about me.

Coming soon: Part 2 – More About Me